The 2nd Floor

Posted: September 9, 2011 by shakesmcfly in Miscellaneous Matters of Me

In my building at work there is a ground floor/parking garage, the 1st floor where my cube is and then the 2nd floor. This floor consist of engineers, designers and “big wigs” of the refinery, so I rarely need to go up there, but today was a different story.

Danese…if you don’t remember Danese here is my other blog entry speaking about her:

“Pronunciation of Hello Danese: Ell-OH Dah-Nez!

There a little Hispanic lady that cleans our building at work, I have no clue what her name is so me and my friend Ama call her Hello Danese. Why you may ask, well that is another long-drawn out story for later…This story is about the randomness of the Hello Danese… always cleans the bathrooms around lunch, and she puts a sign out that says “CLOSED WOMAN CLEANING” ….even though she is cleaning the WOMEN’S RESTROOM. Why can’t I go in? What is so special that you need the privacy away from everyone? Is this wear you take your breaks? —- Also 6 out of 9 times I go to the restroom she is in there, pooping! How do I know it is her, because she wears the same white, wal-mart sneakers every day, how do I know she is pooping —SHE CARRIES SPRAY!!!! Something else is once it is her lunch time it is HER lunch time, there was a day I was waiting for the microwave and she just jumped the line and put her stuff in there like she’d been standing there for 20 minutes (like I had) thank goodness someone was almost done with their food in the other microwave or HD would have gotten cut…. DO NOT GET IN BETWEEN A FAT GIRL AND HER FOOD — PEOPLE HAVE DIED FOR LESS!!! Yes I do feel sorry for her that she chooses to eat her lunch in her broom closet (there are plenty of unused tables in the café Danese) and yes I do admire her for being so regular, and I will put aside the fact that she has to wear a blue apron that looks like something a traffic guard would wear, but lady I do time for this company I track your time DO NOT sit on the steps waiting for your husband to come pick you up I know darn good and well you are still on the clock…. There is no point to this story just that I saw her again 2 times in the bathroom while I was trying to “meditate” —– Hello Danese this goes to you ….if I get backed up from not being about to full-fill ultimate evacuation I am coming for you sister!!!!”

Danese was OF COURSE was cleaning the bathroom when I had to “evacuate” or for those that don’t know me “take a shit”…my only other option is to high tale it to the 2nd floor and use their bathroom, the only issue I had with this at the time was

  1. I had to climb stairs (not that I am lazy, we have elevators, but I wasn’t sure if I would exactly “make it”
  2. The 2nd story is an alternate universe: literally it is so confusing up there…you thinks you know what you are getting into (thinking it is identical to 1st floor, but it is not!) It is a maze of cubes and rooms that don’t exist on the 1st floor.

Instead of going with my head I went with my ass and headed up there…I made sure I left a trail of breadcrumbs so I could find my way back to my correct floor. I find the bathroom, run in and realize this bathroom looks like ours downstairs but is so much different. It just smelled better the stall area was more lit then ours and all the toilets were backwards. I don’t mean I had to stare at the wall while dropping deuce I mean when I reached back to “courtesy flush” I couldn’t find the handle where I usually find it on my floor, it was on the opposite side!! I finally manage to compose myself, flush and get the hell out of dodge; I followed my breadcrumbs and got all the way back to my cube. Although it was a little touch and go there for a second, I think I will venture up there more often—there are hardly any women up there so I was free to “run amuck” up there if I wanted. Looks like I might have to call that my VIP BR from now on, bring on the velvet ropes and red carpet …it is time to clean some colons!!

  1. girolahozz says:

    HAHAHAH! Golly. Hats off, Shakes! This is a classic! And you are correct it is like a backwards maze up there. Nothing makes sense! Why isn’t it the same layout as the 1st floor??!!

  2. girolahozz says:

    It’s enough to make one go, wait. This isn’t the cafeteria, let me break out my google earth.

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