Blowin’ Biscuits in the Afghan Wind

Posted: August 26, 2011 by aquasac in Smell These with Aqua Sac

We’re not far removed from openly homosexual integration into the Armed forces, allowing them to dance and frolic in the barracks whilst imbibing Champaign coolies between goose-down pillow fight round-robin matches (read that sentence again, it’s a mouthful). An exaggeration? Perhaps. But, the Marines have now been banned from an even greater abomination in Afghanistan: audible flatulence.

Our military in action

Yes, the Afghan people have requested our Marines not rip one upwind of them. Like cursing, showing ankles and mingling with infidels, the Afghans issued a fatwa (or, fartwa?) against any military person who squeezes an acoustic ass-blaster. Apparently, it’s offensive. Let me remind you that these are the same people who wipe their ass with their hand. The new guidelines state that if an Afghani hears a fart, the punishment is a dirty Sanchez for the boys in olive drab green. Okay, I obviously made that part up, but it’s no more disturbing. Okay, it is.

Ten years of war in Afghanistan, where our boys are (what are they doing there again?), and now they can’t release a rosy bellow. If there was ever a reason to get out of there, this is it.

On a side note, every time I hear “audible flatulence”, I think of a Family Guy episode. You know, the one where all farts are converted into Steven Wright jokes (I spilled spot remover on my dog, now he’s gone). I’ve provided a video montage below of Family Guy farts for your enjoyment. No matter how old you get or how mature you think you are, there’s always room for jello trouser trundles.

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